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ollie at 05:40pm on 26/02/2013
ollie at 05:40pm on 26/02/20132013 may be the year I feel like I've accomplished something fundamentally important. Yes, I've accomplished many things before, and important things amongst them. But some time this year, I think I'm going to be able to stop, take a breath, and think, "this is it, I'm here." Granted, this isn't exactly anything exceptional. If anything, it's remarkable only for how common it is. But I remember for how long I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever have the "everyday" things, like a career, home, all those supposedly-evil material things I like, etc. So many times in life it's felt like it never would happen.
Because of doubt. I've never thought of myself of fearful, paranoid, or pessimistic. But it's been a really long road to get past doubt. It was always there, waiting for a chance to take away whatever positive feelings I'd managed to have. Of all the problems I've faced, doubt has been one of the smallest. But it was so persistent. I'd just deal with it each time, or be forced by a bigger problem to put it aside. But now, finally, I feel doubt isn't something that holds me back any more.
It's been slowly pushed back for a long time now. No special event or epiphany. For a long time now it's been little more than an occasional bother instead of the looming monster it once was. But what has helped, at least recently, is learning to recognize something in other people. I suppose the best way to describe it would be "camaraderie." It's something more general than friendship or trust or more intimate such things. It's also from coworkers, strangers, people you talk to only for a moment. A recognition of empathy, no matter how brief or lasting, perhaps. Whatever it is, it's the opposite of doubt, I suppose. Whether it's always been there and I've only recently learned to recognize it, or it's only recently something that has been available to me, I like it.
Because of doubt. I've never thought of myself of fearful, paranoid, or pessimistic. But it's been a really long road to get past doubt. It was always there, waiting for a chance to take away whatever positive feelings I'd managed to have. Of all the problems I've faced, doubt has been one of the smallest. But it was so persistent. I'd just deal with it each time, or be forced by a bigger problem to put it aside. But now, finally, I feel doubt isn't something that holds me back any more.
It's been slowly pushed back for a long time now. No special event or epiphany. For a long time now it's been little more than an occasional bother instead of the looming monster it once was. But what has helped, at least recently, is learning to recognize something in other people. I suppose the best way to describe it would be "camaraderie." It's something more general than friendship or trust or more intimate such things. It's also from coworkers, strangers, people you talk to only for a moment. A recognition of empathy, no matter how brief or lasting, perhaps. Whatever it is, it's the opposite of doubt, I suppose. Whether it's always been there and I've only recently learned to recognize it, or it's only recently something that has been available to me, I like it.
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