In which I am sappy
I wish I could do something for somebody.
NYAF left me swinging back and forth, but now that I've taken a step back and taken a deep breath things seem a bit different. My love for humanity as a whole is still at an all-time low, but... well hold on, you can't tell, but I'm going to look up "love" in different languages since the one word we have for it in English covers too much. So the Chinese word "gănqíng" sounds about right, as it's something that maybe loosely translates as "empathy" or "kinship" but with a stronger emotional or affectionate content to the concept than those words have in English.
I'm not trying to thinly veil the fact that there is somebody in particular I want to be able to help. I genuinely wish there is something I could do for those -- all those -- whom I care for. Qanqing love isn't a zero-sum game, and if I can become closer to somebody else by helping them, it's a good thing for me, too.
Thing is, I can't tell what's going on. Have I finally tossed aside the shackles of "proper" social behavior to share the affection I feel regardless of "awkwardness?" Or have I finally found enough people for whom this would be appropriate that it's no longer an occasional thought but a consistent desire?
NYAF left me swinging back and forth, but now that I've taken a step back and taken a deep breath things seem a bit different. My love for humanity as a whole is still at an all-time low, but... well hold on, you can't tell, but I'm going to look up "love" in different languages since the one word we have for it in English covers too much. So the Chinese word "gănqíng" sounds about right, as it's something that maybe loosely translates as "empathy" or "kinship" but with a stronger emotional or affectionate content to the concept than those words have in English.
I'm not trying to thinly veil the fact that there is somebody in particular I want to be able to help. I genuinely wish there is something I could do for those -- all those -- whom I care for. Qanqing love isn't a zero-sum game, and if I can become closer to somebody else by helping them, it's a good thing for me, too.
Thing is, I can't tell what's going on. Have I finally tossed aside the shackles of "proper" social behavior to share the affection I feel regardless of "awkwardness?" Or have I finally found enough people for whom this would be appropriate that it's no longer an occasional thought but a consistent desire?